More Clothes on TV

A beautiful dress for a beautiful body.

Normal women need not apply.

Lazaro Spring 2008

The new seasons of Project Runway and Say Yes to the Dress are well underway, to my clothes and comedy delight. I'm not going to write at length about Project Runway, because no blog does that better than Project Rungay, but I will say the this season the producers put together the right combination of ego, incompetence and neuroses to yield some damn entertaining TV (although I could have done without the product plug for the Oppression Olympics). My previous desire for a season that concentrated only on the clothes, clothes, clothes has completely evaporated. Tight-lipped super-competent contestants who whip up ballgowns in 15 minutes do not TV excitement make.

As usual, I'm rooting for the token Old Broad, Stella, not only because she's carrying the flag for maturity among virtual infants, but because she's so in-your-face herself. Go STELLA!!!!

There's a new "oh honey, no" dress, or at least silhouette, on SYttD; it's the trumpet or mermaid dress, i.e. a garment that's skin tight from the bust to mid-thigh then flares into an enormous pouf, the mermaid being less extreme than the trumpet. This is a style that really can only be worn by winners of the genetic jackpot, like Charlize Theron and the chick in the Taittinger champagne ad, although looking at the pictures again I see even they avoid being cut off mid-thigh. Several of the SSttD featured brides this season, who specifically asked for mermaid dresses, are, alas, not so physically gifted.

In the first or second episode this season the viewers were introduced to Randy, Kleinfeld's fashion director, a man of taste who, evidently, is not being paid on commission. He arrives at a consultation where a very short, round future bride is happily modeling a trumpet dress which she declared to be the one. Foolishly, Randy tried to talk her into something more sensible, saying, most tactfully, that the trumpet wasn't the best silhouette for someone so "petite." Meanwhile the consultant was in the background grumbling because the Fashion Director's taste was getting between her and a sure sale: it didn't matter if her if the bride went down the aisle looking like an exploding bratwurst. In the end, Randy was elbowed out of the way and the bride bought the trumpet dress.

And what did we learn from this? 1. A saleswoman working on commission is not your friend, and 2. when buying clothing, always, always, listen to the nice gay man!

If PR and SYttD aren'te enough of a TV fashon fix, Bravo is bringing us The Rachel Zoe Project, a so-called reality show featuring the notorious Hollywood stylist. The half-hour preview episode showed scenes of Rachel crying as someone was removing her make-up, and Rachel waving a vintage sequin-spangled tulle dress around, and I was hooked. The RZP premiers on Bravo Monday, September 8, at 11:00 P.M. I can't wait.

P.S., the chick in the Taittinger ad is supposed to be Grace Kelly. I don't see it, but I like the champagne!