Usually, the fashion police save the best, i.e., the worst dressed, for last. But before I write anything else about fashion at the Golden Globes, here are the gowns I think the professional dress-watchers will chose as the worst, either because the dresses are actually hot messes, or because the dresses don't conform to their red-carpet standards.
Let's start with the sure losers:
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| Helena Bonham Carter. Okay, I get it: you're English, eccentric, and married to Mr. Bizzaro. Now go look in a mirror and COMB YOUR HAIR. |
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| Annette Bening -- she looks like me, in the morning, with bed head. No celebrity should walk the red carpet looking like me in any way whatsoever. |
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| Halle Berry in Nina Ricci. Even the most beautiful woman in the world can't make this schmatta look good. |
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| Seal and Frau Klum dropping in at the Golden Globes on their way to the beach. |
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| Julianne Moore. NO ONE-SLEEVE DRESSES, EVAH! |
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| Tina Fey in L'Wren Scott. This dress isn't that bad (a smidge too tight), but she just can't win. |
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| Tilda Swinton. Hey, she gets a pass from me, but Joan Rivers isn't going to like it. |
These women Dare To Be Different, specifically, they aren't wearing one-shoulder or strapless mermaid gowns with origami details. They will pay for their insolence!
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| Leighton Meister in Burberry: 1970s meets Romeo and Juliet in color-sapping beige. |
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| Michelle Williams wearing Valentino: really really 70s in more beige. I predict everyone is going to hate this dress, mostly because I kinda like it. |
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| Sandra Bullock in Jenny Packham: going from golden icon to hippie in 12 short months. 2 droopy 2 B true. |
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Scarlett Johanssen in Elie Saab. I can hear it already: "It's too old for her."
Hey, it's Natalie Portman's year. Everyone else should just stay home. |
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