I See Ugly Clothes.

Oh my darlings, I have been having an fashion-based existential crisis. I look around, see nothing but ugly clothes, and I question my very existence. I question how history will define Millenium fashion (in fact, I wonder how history will describe the first decade of the 21st Century -- the Zeros?). So much current fashion looks like it was made by a designer recovering from a stroke: waistlines floating nowhere near any near any natural division of a woman's body, pleats and gathers placed in random, body-deforming locations, hemlines so short it looks like the manufacturer ran out of fabric (although sometimes that's the choice of the wearer, not the designer), bodices all askew. No proportion, no flattery, no . . . look. Gah!!!

I've barely been able to click on Red Carpet Fashion Awards to vote for Look of the Week, so great has been my malaise, though I did visit long enough to snatch the above example of "where's the rest of the dress???" See? I'm not just being a cranky old broad. Proportion is important!

Let's look at some of the other recent similar crimes of fashion:

Random pleats and wonky bodice

Too short, too lumpy, mystery waistline

Where to begin? . . .

The Celebutard look. What a contribution to history.

There was one bright spot in Spring -- I got myself in gear and went to see the Yves Saint Laurent exhibition at the De Young Museum in San Francisco. The whole thing was, as I heard a man say, "luscious."

Pictures from the Exhibition

Pictures don't come close to showing the luxury of the fabric, the brilliance of the colors or the intricacy of the beading. Luscious, indeed!

There are a few clothing bright spots on the television horizon, too. Kayne Gillaspie, the pagent dress designer from Season Three of Project Runway has his own show on TLC called Gown Crazy. This is not a show about fashion; the dresses he makes look like leftovers from Dynasty's wardrobe, shoulder pads removed, but as, well, fabric artifacts, his stuff is fascinating. And now we know what happens to Toddlers in Tiaras when they grow up.

The new season of Mad Men starts Sunday --- goooooo vintage!!!! Project Runway Season Six is premiering Thursday on the Lifetime channel. I hope its move from the gay-friendly Bravo to the housewife channel doesn't ruin it, because I really need a good fashion reality show to wipe away my memories of Bravo's replacement, the truly horrendous The Fashion Show. And Rachel Zoe is coming back -- go more vintage! -- although not until October. Until then, I'll amuse myself with the Rachel Zoe report, which I suspect will be very relevant to my life, um, style. But amusing, I'm sure.