Yes, The Dress, revisited

Well, the TLC series "Say Yes to the Dress" ended without us ever finding out what happened to the hapless and clueless consultant Claudia, but I did learn one thing -- I could never be a wedding dress designer because I haven't got a clue what brides want to wear. In every episode of the show, one, and sometimes two, brides bought this dress (or maybe this one; corset, pouf, what's the diff?) which I think surely qualifies as a "float in the parade" on the Tim Gun Absolute Taste scale. In other words, I don't like it, why do so many brides?

Surprisingly, the brides who have chosen this dress are of all ages and sizes. One bride was a 39-year-old interior designer who should have know better, unless her real intention was to advertise Austrian balloon shades. In the episode before last two brides, one thin and one zaftig, and their consultants were competing over the one sample which would have to do for both sizes of bride. The thin bride got the sample first and, evidently mesmerized by her reflection dressed in the creation, wore it for an hour while the zaftig bride sat, dressed only in her underwear and a skimply kimono, waiting for the sample to become available. The thin brides's consultant didn't want to ask her customer to take the gown off for fear of losing the $6,600.00 sale; there zaftig bride's consultant wanted the dress so she wouldn't lose a sale $1,600.00 over her bride's original budget. In the end both the brides got what they wanted, i.e., the same dress the girl in the next room would be wearing. Duh?

Anyhoo, even though I know that brides dress their fantasies, and not their bodies or or their budgets, this particular dress really turns me off, and I know that I'd threaten Hypotheca with disinheritance if she even tried it on. Why, I wondered, did it bother me so? And then it hit me:


I would not want to have "Like A Virgin" playing on an endless loop in my head everytime I looked at my daughter's wedding album. Particularly not if it cost me $6,600.00. Sorry, Hypotheca.