Oscars 2011 -- Back in Black

So I watched the E!'s Oscar special Fashion Police and TVGN's Red Carpet Review last night and learned that the paid fashion critics and I disagree about almost every dress worn, in particular Amy Adam's dark blue sequined column dress.

Amy Adams in L'Wren Scott

They all hated the cap sleeves and high neck, and hated that she wore jewelry over an already sparkly dress.  Well, to heck with them, I think she looked great. I love the dress, which I call maximum minimalism, and I thought the jewelry was to die for.  Carved emeralds, for pete's sake, how could those EVER be bad?  I deplore the current absence of jewelry on the red carpet regulars -- for heaven's sake, it's not like they're paying for it!  Then I woke this morning to the Stephanie Miller Show, and heard one of her cohorts, Jim Ward, saying that he was tired of hearing gay men criticising women's clothing, because "they didn't like her necklace; what the hell's wrong with them?  She's beautiful!"  So THERE!

Moving right along: if you look at the Fall 2011 New York collections, you'll see that black is not only basic, it's practically all there is:  black is the new black.  So instead of saying that the ladies on the Oscar 2011 red carpet were playing it safe by dressing in black, you could say that they're on trend, fashion forward, ahead of the curve.  Whatevah, the result was the usual, with some of them looking great, and some of them looking absolutely frightening.  Observe:

Camilla Alves in Kauffman Franco: Perfect.  Camilla Alves was at the Academy Awards with her husband, Mathew McConaughey.  He was only presenting an award, she was only his plus one, never the less, she stole the show.  Her backless, practically frontless, full skirted black dress should go down in history as one of the best black dresses, EVAH.  It shows everything without showing anything, because it fits perfectly.  Of course, it doesn't hurt that the person wearing it is absolutely beautiful.  I only wished she had filled some of that decolletage with a smashing necklace, like so. 

Annette Bening in Naeem Khan: A Definite Maybe.  Annette's art deco gown is hot off the Fall 2011 runway, but I can't make up my mind whether I like it or not.  Maybe she needed firmer foundation garments so that the dress fell better, and she really needed some help with her A-list cropped hair.  But at least the gown is interesting.

Busy Phillips in vintage Pucci.  It's a big ole taffetta number, and I love her in it.  So sue me.

Cody Horn in  . . . something.  I own a dress very similar in cut and print to the dress Cody wore to the Oscars.  I love my dress, I'll wear it until it falls apart, but I'm not sure it or anything similar is red carpet wear, particularly when accessorized with mesh fingerless gloves.

Sunrise Coigny in Jean Paul Gaultier: the Hunchback of Notre Dame.  I love the sliver of gold on the side of Sunrise's dress, but I hate one-sleeve dresses with a passion hotter than the heat of a thousand suns.  On the other hand, I love the name "Sunrise," so much better than that hackneyed "Dawn."

Sharon Stone in Dior: Mistress of the Dark.  Looks like Sharon is daring someone to ask her about John Galliano, just fired by Dior for making anti-Semitic statements, or someone had just asked her about him, and she's getting ready to drink that person's blood.  I'm real fond of vampires, so I congratulate Sharon for bringing the good crazy.

Helena Bonham Carter in Colleen Atwood: Film Before Fashion.  I saw Ryan Seacrest's red carpet interview with Helena, where she firmly put that omnipresent evil homunculus in his place.  How can I not love her after that?

Reese Witherspoon in Armani Prive: Snoozeville.  Reese's gown is what I call minor minimalism, or in other words, nothing.  Girlfriend needs a touch of Sharon Stone's crazy to spice up her act.

Ain't done yet!  Stay tuned for for comments on the remaining public fashion insanity.

The Golden Globes -- Short and Sweet & Sour

The SAG Awards red carpet is almost upon us, and I haven't written anything about the GGs yet. But for any celeb who may read this blog (ha!) before dressing for the next show, here's a list of things I hope never to see on the red carpet again: asymmetry, over-sized shoulder ruffle/ornament/excrescences, ruffles, origami, knee-seams, pale colors on pale people, strapless and black. These restrictions would leave half the celebs on the red-carpet naked, but considering that some guests already prefer nudity, what the hey . . .

Meanwhile, here's Ginifer Goodwin in my favorite dress of the evening, one shoulder and all.

Ginifer Goodwin in Vionnet

The dress is fashionable and original without being extreme, and the color looks fabulous on her. The Golden Globes are supposed to be the "party" award, so cocktail looks seem much more appropriate than the huge ball gowns. Here, Ginifer's wearing the dress, it's not wearing her (Got that, Lea Michele?) Her high-contrast short doo frames her face perfectly. Interestingly, Ginifer's flattering look was mostly ignored by the fashion police, while her co-star Chloe Sevigny, who came dressed like my mother's ruffled criss-cross curtains, got tons of attention. I guess looking really good isn't enough.

Kristen Bell in Jasmine di Milo

Amy Adams in Carolina Herrera

I liked the cocktail dresses worn by Kristen Bell and Amy Adams, too. They looked like they got the message that they needed to dress up without trying too hard. Amy's dress has a great vintage vibe, which always gets a thumbs up from me, and her gold shoes are absolutely fab.

Then there were guests who looked like they didn't try at all.

Perrey Reeves in Herve Leger

Julia Roberts in vintage YSL

I like Perrey's dress, I just don't think it's appropriate for the event, especially not at knee length (should have been shorter or longer), and with those very work-day shoes. Julia's dress looks like something I would throw on to go to the monthly meeting of the Bankruptcy Bar Association, which isn't exactly a festive event. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we know you're a big star Julia, now get over your damn self and go comb your hair.