Trends I don't like -- the Hair Brassiere

So I'm sitting here watching (sort of) E!'s Countdown to the Red Carpet, wishing some fashion guerilla would tackle Giuliana Rancic and shave her head, then force her to eat an In & Out Burger Double-Double.  I'm also bracing myself for the hair extension abuse that certain stars and celebusluts inflict on their viewers.  Look at these examples from the Grammy awards:

Miley Cyrus at the Grammy Awards

Jennifer Lopez at the Grammys

They look like they're in bad Lady Godiva costumes, that is, they have the hair AND a dress.  In Miley's case, she in fact may have been using her hair extensions to maintain her modesty, because she was falling out of her dress.  Fake hair is no substitute for clothing.  But other red carpet regulars are wearing their extra-long extensions swept forward over their bodices, and those extensions are often so loaded with product they look like the hair was glued to the dress.  So tacky, so Jersey Shore (is that redundant?), not to mention an insult to the dress.  For heaven's sake ladies, PUT UP YOUR HAIR, or better, CUT IT.

Why Were They There?

As usual, the Oscar's red carpet was full of people whose connection with the nominees, or the film industry, or even this century, is tenuous, at best. These people are generally presenters who also serve as the red carpet equivalent of seat fillers. The presenters and random attendees dress up and walk when the superstars don't, or won't. Note, we didn't see Oprah dragging her train up the damp red carpet.

Nicole Richie in Reem Acra. Her husband was deejaying at some Oscar event or other. Hey, it got her out of the house.


Molly Ringwald in Todd Thomas. I have long been a Molly Ringwald fan, and that's really long considering that I haven't seen anything she's made since 1994. Her dress is great, her jewelry is even greater. But she was at the Academy Awards for a tribute to the late director John Hughes. John Hughes gets a tribute? Really? Hey, I like Pretty in Pink too, but it ain't exactly Roshomon.

Mariska Hargitay in Vera Wang. She looks fine, but like, who cares? I don't know why she was there, unless it was to wear a dress that looked just like . . .

. . . Kristen Stewart's Monique Lhuillier gown, which in turn was awfully similar to . . .

. . . Giuliana Rancic's Gustavo Cadile creation.

Let's do some trend spotting, shall we? Strapless, draped, fitted to the hip, all hell breaking loose from the hip down, blue. These three got the style memo for the evening, but it didn't make them interesting.

Miley Cyrus in Jenny Packham. According to some TV report or other, Kristen (who's claim to fame, as far as I'm concerned, is being in the most boring vampire movie of all time) and Miley were invited to the Academy Awards to attract a younger audience. Miley's fans probably aren't old enough to stay up for the whole broadcast. Anyhoo, I hate the look and I wish she would just go away.

Separated at birth?

The top photo is Miley Cyrus in her now-notorious "old chandelier" dress by Zuhair Murad; the bottom photo is Christian Dior's 1949 "Junon dress," which is in Metropolitan Museum of Art's collection. I wish I could take credit for noticing the similarity, but I got the scoop from Nick Vereos, former Project Runway contestant and now a fashion commentator for the TV Guide channel. I like the darker Dior version better; it doesn't look as much like a Christmas tree skirt.

The top photo is of Alicia Keyes at the Oscars in a pretty pink dress and an unattractive brown wig. The bottom photo is of Sophia Loren in her prime. You gotta love the almond-eyed girls.