And not only are said much-desired bags often large, they’re often large and UGLY, covered with more straps, o-rings and padlocks than heavy-duty bondage gear, like the Chloe Paddington bag pictured. I'd rather haul a small dinosaur around.
But most of all I hate the messages that the hottest hippest handbags send me. The messages I get, in no particular order, are:
2. “I’m a celebrity who was given this handbag so that I could act as a walking billboard for Chloe, Vuitton, Hermes . . .” -- Damn, rich people love their freebies, don’t they?
3. “I succumbed to advertising, photos of celebrities carrying honking big bags and peer pressure and purchased an item I can’t afford.” -- How sad.
5. “I want to have something Sarah Jessica Parker, an Olsen twin, or a Hilton sister has so much that I’m willing to purchase an unlicensed imitation made by sweatshop labor in a third-world country and sold on the street by a non-tax-paying illegal immigrant vendor.” -- No, no, a hundred times no!
I could go on translating bag speak for a long time. However, even though I don’t like and don’t want a titled bag, I’m still looking for that elusive Perfect Bag. The Bag of Plato. That would be a bag that’s light, has all the right compartments in exactly the perfect sizes for my phone, sunglasses, business cards, fabric samples, paint chips, deposit slips etc. and yet miraculously is still compact. Gidget's Platonic Bag also has a strap that could be adjusted from handle length to shoulder length without looking clunky and it's lined in light never-soiling material so I can find my keys. I’ve only been looking the Perfect Bag for about 30 years, and all I've found so far are handbag shadows on the wall.