Let's start with the sure losers:
|Helena Bonham Carter. Okay, I get it: you're English, eccentric, and married to Mr. Bizzaro. Now go look in a mirror and COMB YOUR HAIR.|
|Annette Bening -- she looks like me, in the morning, with bed head. No celebrity should walk the red carpet looking like me in any way whatsoever.|
|Halle Berry in Nina Ricci. Even the most beautiful woman in the world can't make this schmatta look good.|
|Seal and Frau Klum dropping in at the Golden Globes on their way to the beach.|
|Julianne Moore. NO ONE-SLEEVE DRESSES, EVAH!|
|Tina Fey in L'Wren Scott. This dress isn't that bad (a smidge too tight), but she just can't win.|
|Tilda Swinton. Hey, she gets a pass from me, but Joan Rivers isn't going to like it.|
These women Dare To Be Different, specifically, they aren't wearing one-shoulder or strapless mermaid gowns with origami details. They will pay for their insolence!
|Leighton Meister in Burberry: 1970s meets Romeo and Juliet in color-sapping beige.|
|Michelle Williams wearing Valentino: really really 70s in more beige. I predict everyone is going to hate this dress, mostly because I kinda like it.|
|Sandra Bullock in Jenny Packham: going from golden icon to hippie in 12 short months. 2 droopy 2 B true.|
|Scarlett Johanssen in Elie Saab. I can hear it already: "It's too old for her."|
Hey, it's Natalie Portman's year. Everyone else should just stay home.