Sunday, January 16, 2011

Golden Goofs 2011

Usually, the fashion police save the best, i.e., the worst dressed, for last.  But before I write anything else about fashion at the Golden Globes, here are the gowns I think the professional dress-watchers will chose as the worst, either because the dresses are actually hot messes, or because the dresses don't conform to their red-carpet standards.

Let's start with the sure losers:

Helena Bonham Carter.  Okay, I get it: you're English, eccentric, and married to Mr. Bizzaro.  Now go look in a mirror and COMB YOUR HAIR.

Annette Bening -- she looks like me, in the morning, with bed head.  No celebrity should walk the red carpet looking like me in any way whatsoever.

Halle Berry in Nina Ricci. Even the most beautiful woman in the world can't make this schmatta look good.

Seal and Frau Klum dropping in at the Golden Globes on their way to the beach.

Tina Fey in L'Wren Scott.  This dress isn't that bad (a smidge too tight), but she just can't win.

Tilda Swinton.  Hey, she gets a pass from me, but Joan Rivers isn't going to like it.
These women Dare To Be Different, specifically, they aren't wearing one-shoulder or strapless mermaid gowns with origami details.  They will pay for their insolence!

Leighton Meister in Burberry: 1970s meets Romeo and Juliet in color-sapping beige.

Michelle Williams wearing Valentino: really really 70s in more beige.  I predict everyone is going to hate this dress, mostly because I kinda like it.

Sandra Bullock in Jenny Packham: going from golden icon to hippie in 12 short months.  2 droopy 2 B true.

Scarlett Johanssen in Elie Saab.  I can hear it already: "It's too old for her."

Hey, it's Natalie Portman's year.  Everyone else should just stay home.

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