|La Swinton at the 2011 Golden Globes|
As her stylist, I could save Swinton from similar embarassments, and I'd scour the collections for spectacularly Swinton-esque looks, which shouldn't be too hard now that minimalism has made a comeback. And I promise I'd resist any urge to dress her in chain mail and have her make her entrance on a white charger, except for the occassional photo call at the Cannes Film Festival. Anyhoo, here are some looks I picked out from the recent collections that I think are totally Swinton i.e., guaranteed to make the fashion police stutter and bleed from their eyesockets.
Two pieces: I actually like the idea of formal separates, similar to those Swinton wore at the Golden Globes, but the following looks just offer MORE:
|Alexis Mabile Spring 2011|
|Helmut Lang Pre-Fall 2011|
|Giambattista Valli Spring 2011|
|Theyskens Theory Spring 2011 (I'm very glad Olivier Theyskens is back!)|
Minimalism: Swinton often wears very stark outfits that stand out in the usual sea of fussy dresses. Lucky for her (and me, as her fantasy stylist), minimalism is a current trend, even though most celebrities haven't gotten the memo yet. Here are a few looks just perfect for very tall, angular ladies:
|Calvin Klein Pre-Fall 2011|
|Narcisco Rodriguez Pre-Fall 2011|
|Reed Krakoff Pre-Fall 2011|
|Zero + Maria Cornejo Pre-Fall 2011|
|Proenza-Schouler Pre-Fall 2011|
|Vena Cava Spring 2011|
|Etro Spring 2011|
|Christopher Kane Resort 2011 (a tie-died jumpsuit, double whammy!)|
|Duro Olowu Spring 2011|
Goth: Swinton wears a lot of black, but I don't think she's ever gone completely Goth. It's about time she tried it.
|Nicole Miller Pre-Fall 2011 (actually La Swinton has worn something similar to this dress, but I like the Miller version, so it's here.)|
|Nina Ricci Pre-Fall 2011 (sometimes a girl just has to break out the ruffles.)|
|Yoji Yamamoto Spring 2011 (absolutely to be worn with the combat boots.)|
The Maximal Dress: There's a scene in the movie Orlando, where Swinton appears as the newly-female Orlando wearing a powdered wig and big-skirted 18th century dress. Then, dressed like Marie Antoinette, she runs through a maze to escape an importunate suitor. It's one of my favorite scenes in a clothes-erific movie. (If I were a clothes designer, I'd do a collection based on Orlando, which starts in the Elizabethan era and ends in the 1920s.) Swinton deserves a big dress moment on the red carpet to shame the usual crowd of train-dragging midget divas and drive them into the shadows where they belong. Behold!!!
|Alexis Mabile Fall 2010 Couture ("give me your leather, take from me, my lace . . ." Please, any available diety, never let me see Don Henley in lace.)|
|Lavin Spring 2010|
|Victor & Rolf Spring 2010 (you want a white moment? THIS is a white moment.)|
|Christian Dior Fall 2010 Couture|
The Valkerie Moment: Okay, I said I'd resist putting La Swinton in chain mail, but alas, I am but a weak woman, and sometimes mere clothing is Not Enough. Luckily, there are designers willing to put a woman in the armour she deserves. Cue the Wagner!
|I really, really, really like this look. Period.|
All three looks, Gareth Pugh Spring 2011 (if I were directing a futuristic sci-fi movie, I'd so hire Gareth Pugh as the designer. I can pay no higher compliment.)
Because if anyone could drag Ryan Seacrest into Valhalla, that person is Tilda Swinton.